do not insult the knitter
by Empress of Everything
Summary: A quiet moment on the train with Roy and Eden. Knitting needles get involved and Roy is confused. {Fem!Edward, no slash.}


**A/N:** Okay, I lied. I couldn't resist writing up a funny story involving knitting. Here! Enjoy!

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All was quiet on the train as Roy Mustang and his sweetheart Eden Elric traveled back to East City. Both were very glad to finally be returning. It had been almost six months since they had been home. Roy liked Central, but Eden hated it with a passion. Maybe it was a good thing then, he mused, that he was being promoted and transferred to East City Command as the general in charge of operations. He draped an arm around the slim blonde, pulling her close and relishing her warmth. It would be much harder to persuade her to marry him if he was stationed in Central. Because, you know, he loved her, but she valued her independence. Not only was she beautiful but she was clever and kind and...

 _What_ was _she doing?_

"Eden?" Roy stared at the rather wicked looking, very sharp, rather terrifying, (and did he mention sharp?), needles that were suddenly flashing near his face. He slowly pulled back, dropping his arm, wanting to get those dangerous objects away from him as quick as possible. "What are you doing, love?" Try as he might, Roy couldn't quiet keep the nervousness out of his voice. Eden looked at him quizzically. She tipped her head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about, Roy? What am I doing?"

"That's what I just asked you!" Roy exclaimed.

"What did you just ask me?" Eden was beginning to sound a little peeved. She had never liked back and forth arguments, and usually lost patience and started breaking things. Roy swallowed, inching away a couple more scoots. An angry Eden Elric wielding sharp tools was not a good combination. She might be inclined to use said sharp objects on him. He needed to defuse the situation quickly.

Without bloodshed, preferably.

"I was asking what you are doing with those..." He gestured toward her hands. "Things."

A look of understanding crossed her face. "Oh, you mean my knitting." She held up the four sharp silver needles. Attached to them was a deep orange...shape. He couldn't quite tell what it was.

"What is it?" Roy didn't understand the questioning look on her face. If he didn't know better, he would say she almost looked pitying.

"Are you sure Dr. Marcoh healed your eyes? Because you are awfully blind."

"That doesn't explain what you're making!" Roy couldn't help point out. Ed rolled her big gold eyes.

"It's a sock, idiot. A toe up one." She lifted it so he could see better. Now that she pointed it out, he could see how it could...possibly become a sock. The color was pretty. But why did she need to make a sock? He hadn't realized he had voiced the question aloud until she jabbed him in the side with her finger.

"Because it's fun. I like the color. Because I can. Because it's good therapy for my right arm. Do you need any more reasons?"

Roy blinked. "But you can buy socks," he said slowly.

Ed shook her head. "I know I can, but that's not the point. I only have one flesh foot," she pointed to her right foot. "And honestly it's just easier to make one than it is to buy two. Besides, like I said, Winry told me I should do this for therapy, now that I have my arm back. Al crochets, you know."

Roy's eyebrows went up. He didn't know what that was. He really didn't mind Eden's new hobby. It seemed to keep her happy and productive and she seemed surprisingly good at knitting. "When did you learn?" Roy was curious. "I mean, you only got out of the hospital a few months ago. When did you have time?" Eden clucked her tongue as she focused on her sock.

"I've known how to knit for years. Hawkeye taught me six or seven years ago." Roy's eyes bugged as he sputtered.

 _"Hawkeye knits?"_

His calm, steady Lieutenant, who had a fondness for deadly projectiles, was a knitter?

...

...

Actually, thinking of it now, it didn't seem so farfetched.

"Uh huh," Eden said blithely, unaware of the mental devastation she had just wrought on her lover. "She makes some pretty amazing things. She once knit me a sweater for Christmas that I still have."

Roy sat back, absently wondering what had his life come to. Was everything he knew a lie? Was he really Roy Mustang? Was the sky really blue, or was it actually red? _What was life?_

"Roy? Roy? Roy, darling, are you okay?" Eden turned and prodded his forehead. "Roy Mustang!" He jerked out of his trance and looked at Ed. Her eyes softened. "Roy, it's not the end of the world that Riza knits, or that I knit, or that anyone else does. Just calm down."

"But...but knitting is such a old lady thing to do!"

Roy wished he could turn back time and throttle himself when Eden's eyes narrowed at him. He scooted away from her, abruptly rising and trying to get away from his beloved and her knitting needles of death.

 _"What did you just call me, Roy Mustang?!"_

"No, Eden, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! No, please don't get up. Wait, what are you doing with that needle? Eden, come on, let's be reasonable. EdddEEENNNN!"

All right, so maybe it wasn't so quiet with Roy and Eden.

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 **A/N:** Moral of the story: Do not insult the person holding the sharp, pointed objects.

Seriously, folks. I'm a knitter and the things people say to us is just astonishing. I know they aren't trying to be rude but sometimes they are. I used a lot of cliche sayings about knitting in my story. Hehehe... I hoped you enjoyed this little oneshot! :)


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